The wedding plans are made and you’re sporting a beautiful ring – all is perfect with the world. Hopefully. But, your friend Alexandria just told you her husband just left her and is asking for half of her house in the divorce agreement. Wow! That’s not very nice! She worked really hard to buy the house before they were married. Should you ask for a pre-nup?
I think everyone should have a pre-nup if they have any assets at all. In the book “Flirting with Finance” our character, Samantha Davis, suffered a very bad marriage, which cost her not only her dignity, but a lot of her hard earned money. Now, she is marrying Alan, her true love, but still wants to protect the assets she worked hard to gather. Following is an excerpt on how Samantha protected herself. You can use these tips to protect yourself too.
CHAPTER 19: “FLIRTING WITH FINANCE”
The morning after our engagement, I laid in bed just staring at my ring, steeped in a giddy stupor of disbelief. My future husband is so HOT!
Amazing.
But, I started feeling queasy. The ghost of Keith began to haunt me. You see? My thirtieth birthday also brought another landmark. Now, I was a finance junkie. I understood finance far better than I had seven years ago. I had lost an inheritance, an expensive car, and my innocence. I’d switched careers and gained a financially rewarding job, a slowly growing portfolio and owned my condo.
Marrying Alan would do two things: First, complete the circle of my personal life, and second, make all that was mine, his. YIKES!
I knew all Alan owned would become mine, too, but from watching his parent’s messy divorce, even he knew that boundaries needed to be set from the beginning, or both parties could get hurt. Alan had done nothing to remotely raise suspicions of fleecing me, (he had far more money than I) or faking his love. Alan was the real deal, but my emotions twitched anyway. Part of my healing over these past years was to promise myself never to be burned again. While I loved Alan with every fiber of my being, and knew I always would, I wanted legal protection in this marriage.
I wanted a pre-nuptial agreement.
I told Alan this at lunch.
He got quiet, those blue eyes watching passersby out the window, while concentrating elsewhere. Then, he nodded. “Okay. I can understand your fears. But, I’ll never give you reason to use it. The pre-nup will turn to dust in our safe.”
Any guy willing to say that deserves to marry me!
The next day, I took the familiar hallway down to Morgan’s office to learn what I needed for my pre-nuptial agreement. Phone to her ear, Morgan waved me in with a smile, the Manhattan skyline offering a spectacular backdrop through the windows behind her.
I forgot to mention, Morgan became engaged to her corporate attorney. Remember? The guy she insisted would never know what hit him that fateful night I’d met Keith. My friend, the ice-queen, finally had agreed to tie the knot!
Before I could seat myself, she hung up the phone and came around the desk for a hug. She offered me a seat, her eyes alive with interest. “I’m so glad you’ve decided to protect your assets, Sam. You never know what the future will bring.”
I shook my head. “I know there won’t be any need for this, but a pre-nup will give me security. I still get creditor calls about Keith’s debts.”
“It’s not easy to get over having your money stolen, especially by a spouse,” Morgan agreed. “A wise, older woman once said, ’Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from!’”
I rolled my eyes at her corny joke then reached for a pen and pad from my bag. “Okay, Morgan, teach me what I need to know.”
She sat across from me, ready to go. “Now, first, a pre-nup only protects the here and now. It can only represent existing parties, not non-existing parties such as future children. A pre-nup provides that any assets you own prior to the marriage, such as real estate, stays with you in case of divorce.” She held up a knowing finger. “And, any unconscionable or illegal clauses could seriously jeopardize the credibility of your pre-nup with a judge.”
“Got it. No coercion.” I grinned, loving my savvy friend and her storehouse of knowledge. She beamed with energy.
“Next, a pre-nup cannot be signed under duress. If Alan presented you with a prenuptial agreement prior to walking down the aisle of your pre-planned wedding, a judge would consider the pre-nup null and void. Ample time must be given to allow you to obtain your own representation. You would seek a matrimonial lawyer familiar with the laws in your state.”
I thought about Keith in Connecticut free as a bird and running around in the Porsche bought with my good money. “I incurred so much of Keith’s debt. How do I protect myself if Alan goes hog-wild with expenses?”
“Simple. You add a clause protecting both you and your spouse from each other’s debts.” She sat back, satisfied. “This keeps “I do” from meaning, “I owe.”
I laughed. “Oh, you’re full of wit with the legal jargon.”
She smiled. “You’ll keep your condo in your name, right?”
I met her gaze. “Yes.”
Morgan nodded, satisfied. “Good. Write that down. You worked hard for that property. Include a clause to protect existing real estate assets and your securities accounts.
“Also, keep in mind there are nine community property states: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin. These states maintain that what you owned before the marriage remains yours and everything you gain during the marriage is split. The remaining states are marital property states. Assets are divided according to what the court deems fair.”
Oh, yes. Knowing this information sent shivers of power down my spine. I wanted to hear it all. I leaned forward, pen poised. “What else?”
She shrugged. “Of course, both parties must fully disclose their assets.”
“Of course.”
“Both parties need their own lawyers. Don’t use Alan’s. Get your own.”
I planned to have Morgan represent me. I winked at her. “Okay.”
“And, in addition to being completely honest in both your disclosures, don’t be afraid to ask for more money than you really want. If your intended has a good attorney, he’ll start low. Just remember you always deserve more.”
I laughed. “Like negotiating for a job.”
She clapped her hands. “Exactly. Then, after all is signed, you review the pre-nup every few years of the marriage to update any new assets brought into the marriage, including children.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
“Don’t push kids yet, Morgan, unless you want to be pushing a stroller right next to me!”
She waved away my concern. “You and Alan will make beautiful babies.”
I grinned. “Yeah. It’ll be great.”
We sat in amicable silence for a moment. The satisfaction of knowing I was building a financial safety net under my future happiness offered a sense of freedom I hadn’t expected. Bless Morgan and her wisdom.
“Thank you,” I murmured. “Now, may I enlist your services?”
She tapped her chin with a perfectly burnished fingernail. “Sammy, I’m not going to represent you on this matter.”
I blinked in surprise. “Why not? You were such a bull dog burying Keith. I thought for sure you’d champion my pre-nuptial agreement.”
She said, “In my opinion, you need to negotiate for a high annual income. I don’t want to piss off my best friend’s future husband. So, why don’t I just recommend someone to handle this one detail.”
I raised a questioning brow. “You think I should get tough?”
She reached for her phone and punched a few numbers. “Not tough. Fair. You should get what a woman running your household should expect. Daniel Evans is the guy for you.”
Before I knew it, I had a meeting with my very own attorney. Daniel Evans turned the prenuptial agreement from a sweet, yours and mine document to an uncompromising demand on protecting my present and future assets.
Since my passion for Alan will last a lifetime, I felt the demands seemed a tad, shall we say, aggressive. But, Mr. Evans insisted I enjoy the satisfaction of guarding my material assets, should some unforeseen tornado, train wreck or mid-life crisis ruin our marriage. As he said, with a shrug, “No one has a crystal ball for the future.”
I could not back down, especially remembering how easily and legally Keith had stolen everything from me.
I looked Daniel Evans straight in the eye. “Why don’t you just shoot that document over to Alan’s attorney?”
That night at my apartment, I expected Alan to be miffed at my prenuptial demands, so I dressed provocatively to distract him, just in case. I poured myself into my favorite Nicole Miller jeans and peach silk and lace top. I used just a touch of my favorite Givenchy perfume in all the right spots and curled my hair. I slid into a pair of Manolos, knowing those four inches still kept me shorter than Alan. Mmmm.
My effort had the desired effect. After plastering me against the wall with his body and covering my neck with kisses, we made our way to my tiny kitchen where he lifted me onto the granite countertop and his hands lingering against my hips. You should know the heat those palms possess. He held me firmly in place with a stupid grin on his face, and said, “Why don’t we just get through this pre-nup business so we can enjoy a hot romantic dinner.”
I can never resist touching him, so pushed a stray, blond lock off his forehead. I asked, “Are you angry?”
He pulled the prenuptial agreement from his back pocket, rolled it, and tucked it into the deep-V of my Victoria’s Secret neckline. “Here. Signed. Sealed. Delivered.”
I was dumbfounded. I took the document out of my top and looked at it. “What? No questions? No arguments?” I looked down at myself. “I even dressed for battle.”
He shook his head, his eyes bright with amusement. In between kisses, he said, “No, my little finance addict. I’m proud of you for protecting yourself. (Kiss on my cheek.) You can have your $30,000 each year. (Kiss on my other cheek.) You can have your Hallway (his fond name for my condo). (Kiss. Kiss on my neck.) I hope you make tons of money with it in the future. (Lower kiss.) Half of all of mine will always be yours.” (Even lower kiss.)
I melted like a lip gloss in one hundred degree heat.
Pulling back, he nodded his approval. “Hell. You can have it all! I’m so in love with you, girl. You could have asked for the moon, and I would have delivered it in ribbons. Then he grasped my upper arms, doing great things to my cleavage. You’re mine, honey. You were very clever in negotiating this prenuptial. Now, I know you’ll be like a lion protecting me and our kids.”
Tears filled my eyes. Something like a whispered, “Oh,” fell from my lips.
His grin practically made my Nicole Miller jeans smoke on their own. He said, “And honey? Dress to for battle every day, okay? I like it.”
Gwendolyn Beck started her finance career on the bond trading floor. She then moved to stocks and IPO with Morgan Stanley and personal financial planning with Wachovia. She wrote “Flirting with Finance”, a fictional novel, for a fun way for women to learn about finance through all the relationships and events we may have in our lives. “Flirting with Finance” is available through Barnes & Noble. You can contact Gwendolyn at www.flirtingwithfinances.com.
