Dear John,
I think my man might have a problem “down there.” It’s not quite working like it should. I think it might be time for him to talk to his doctor about it, maybe get a prescription. It’s not a big deal to me, I just want him to get a prescription so we reignite our sex life. How can I get him to go to the doctor?
Signed,
    - Between a rock and a (not) so hard place
Dear Between,
There’s a lot of potential factors here. He is probably embarrassed because men think that the ability to perform without pharmaceutical assistance is what defines them as a man. Another fear is that you’re going to tell your friends about it, as women are known to tell each other everything. He may also be overweight and/or on medications for conditions such as diabetes that can cause problems in this area. This may mean that he has to make some major lifestyle/diet changes in order to lose weight and get off the medications that maybe causing the problem, and that often is harder for men to deal with than the actual issue of needing the medication itself.
Reassure your man that it’s a medical issue, not a psychological one, and encourage him to talk to his doctor. Examine the stress levels in his life and maybe consider some known stress relievers that you can do as a couple such as yoga, meditation or stress journaling. Or maybe he needs a new line of work. Whatever your course of action make sure that you keep this information to yourself and do not share it with your girls. It may not be a big deal to you or them, but it is a big deal to him. Privacy is paramount. I know you share everything with your girls, but this is one thing you shouldn’t.
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Dear John,
Why are men so abusive to each other? My boyfriend and his “best friend” call each other every name in the book. They insult each other and constantly try to one up the other. Often they’ll insinuate that the other has questionable sexuality (meaning he is secretly gay). I know they really like and care about each other, they’ve known each other for years and have bent over backwards to help each other. So why do they do this? It’s kind of annoying. How can I get them to stop?
Signed,
    - Confused about male abuse
Dear Confused,
Asking me why men talk smack to each other is like asking a gynecologist why he/she looks at vajajays all day: that’s just how it is. Men were not raised to show or express emotion and somehow we as a society expect them to magically open up and start talking about how much they need or appreciate each other. So we do it in code. We won’t say “I love you” to each other, but we will call each other a-holes or tell our best friend he has sand in his vagina (which is our way of saying stop acting like such a wuss).
Basically, the only thing you can do is endure it. It’s not going to change. Boys will be boys and that means various forms of physical and verbal abuse to each other. I think the only thing you can really do is not be around when it happens. Shopping, anyone?
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