Was it Buffy? Xena? Sabrina Duncan? Who cares when the first kick ass female character arrived. What matters is that she is here and she is NOT taking no for an answer. She’ll kick you in your screaming balls first. Oh yes, she will.

Kick ass female characters, like Lisbeth Salandar and Katniss Everdeen, have brought it hard as of late. I realize that The Hunger Games has yet to be released but I can’t help thinking that I’ll feel the same as I did while reading the book. KILL THEM KATNISS!! And Lisbeth Salandar, well, she is everything one would dream of in a kick ass girl – hot, brainy, slick as ice and bad ass on the back of a motorcycle.

Then there’s Gina Carano’s “Mallory Kane” in Steven Soderbergh’s Haywire. He discovered this 5’8”, fat-free tall drink of pure kick ass while channel surfing and she was fighting in a mixed martial arts throw down. Then, in typical Soderbergh fashion, he placed another non-actor on the big screen. Some say Carano’s fisticuffs are worth the price of admission but otherwise her acting lacks authenticity. I disagree, especially when we let the likes of Nicolas Cage chew up the action movie scenery as a pug in front of a roast beef. Now that is a man who needs to be taken to task. I wonder if Gina could free up her movie promotion schedule to take Cage down a few notches with a Gogoplata (that’s a thigh executed choke hold, yo).

The bombardment of recent kick assery is so refreshing, especially after the dark years with characters like – you guessed it – Bella Swan of the Twilight ad nauseum. I have no choice but to blame Stephanie Meyer for momentarily interrupting the kick ass girl trajectory. If I see Kristin Stewart bite her lower lip in weak girly despair ever again, I will have to “elbow strike” her to the throat. Stephanie Meyer, not Kristin Stewart. Let’s be honest, not only did she create a female character completely lacking in balls, but she blatantly stole from Joss Whedon, who did it first and did it better. Bella, you’re dating a vampire. Take a class in Jiu Jitsu for God’s sake. Knife fighting. Keep a Chinese star in your Hello Kitty iPhone case. Because there’s an excellent chance your man may have some enemies in the underworld who’d care to snack on you like an amuse bouche on Top Chef. Did you learn nothing from the first book?

Hopefully, now girls will begin to dream not of the sparkly vampire who rescues them from their fate but fantasize about running into a potential attacker in a dark alley on whom they are forced to test their “guillotine neck crank.” Step aside, Bella Swans of the world, or a girl like me is going to kick your ass.

Check out the Haywire trailer:

—

Nancy Kissam is a writer and teacher who lives in Los Angeles with her wife and pug, Georgie Frances.