Dear Case,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and he has been out of work for several months. Throughout our relationship, he has never given me a gift. Every Christmas, birthdayand Valentine’s Day has gone by without so much as a card. He has talked about contributing for a gift for me or has asked me what I wanted. When pressed, he promises that we will go shopping together sometime or says my present will be late, but he never delivers. I realize it’s not about the money and it should be the thought that counts, but it hurts my feelings. My birthday just passed and the same thing happened. Is he just being lazy or does his non-gifting mean something more serious?
     – He’s No Gift Horse

Dear HNGH,
It is the thought that counts, but it doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is even thinking about your feelings. Instead, it sounds more like he is making excuses, waiting for the occasion to pass and sweeping your expectations and his promises under the rug – not a good sign that he is prioritizing you in his life. As an explanation, maybe he isn’t very creative or is understandably strapped for cash. However, even that explanation does not excuse his broken promises. Speak up and tell him that it doesn’t take money to make you feel like his special gal. If he can’t afford your wish list, give him some ideas to do for free things like a back massage, cleaning the house, making a card, or having a candlelight picnic in your living room. Tell him that spending money is not required to make you feel special and loved, but a little thought would make all the difference to you.

Dear Case,
My husband and I have been married for five years and he is a great partner, except that he shows no interest in my work. I am an artist that produces several paintings and mixed media projects per month. I have somewhat of a following and am fortunate to be making a successful career from what I love to do. But, my husband never asks me anything about my work, my inspiration or the meaning behind my pieces. I am eager for him to ask me, to see what makes me tick, so I rattle off things that are happening with barely a raised eyebrow about it. I can occasionally get him to trudge along to my openings or artist events, but he is obviously bored. Am I right to feel hurt that he isn’t supportive?
     – Starving Artist

Dear Starving,
Of course it is painful to have your sweetheart uninterested in your work, since ideally your partner should be your biggest fan. You don’t mention what kind of compositions that you create, so it is possible that he doesn’t get it and/or he doesn’t want to embarrass himself. Talk with your husband about how his lack of interest about your work hurts your feelings. Regardless of his grasp of the subject, it would be thoughtful if he were to just admit his ignorance (if that is the case), rather than never inquire about how things are going with you. Apart from personal interest, if it is important to your loved one, it should be important to you. You also don’t mention if this career talk is reciprocated, so hopefully you ask about how his business is going as well.

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