Dear Case,
My fiancé and I are getting married in the fall and my folks have graciously offered to foot the bill. We have envisioned an intimate affair with close friends and family but my mom keeps adding to the guest list. She is adding every acquaintance, coworker and long-lost family member. I don’t even know some of these people! It’s turning from a small gathering into a full-on gala. How do we come to a compromise?
     -Listless from the guest list

Dear List,
You are extremely fortunate to receive such a generous gift of a financed wedding. Usually Case would side with it’s-your-day, you-get-to-do-what-you-want stance, but in this situation, you should concede. Oblige your mother and add whomever she wants to the growing list. She would like it to be a grand affair with all of these people present to watch you promise your commitment, and why not? The more the merrier, especially on someone else’s dime. A larger guest list will not make the nuptials any less special. A merry side effect to the guest list concession is that your reception table may overflow with gifts from Uncle Jim’s ex-wife or Bob in Accounting. Your day may have been just as bright without these peripheral people, but if your folks are paying then let them do the inviting.

Dear Case,
I have been chosen to be a bridesmaid for my friends’ destination wedding. I am honored and excited, but the financial responsibilities have become quite expensive. With the wedding shower, bachelorette party, dress and tailoring, flight, hotel, rental car and other incidentals, her wedding is making me broke. While I am certainly happy for her, I can’t really afford a wedding present. Is it rude for a bridesmaid to not give a gift?
     -Broke Bridesmaid

Dear Broke,
Being chosen for a bridesmaid is an honor, but can also be a burden. Brides know that it can get expensive and usually try to keep the bridal party’s financial responsibilities to a minimum. With a destination wedding, the happy couple surely understands that folks will be dishing out more money than a local ceremony would cost. They have probably already prepared themselves that the gift table may be smaller. Have a chat with the bride about your concerns. But, Case bets that your efforts thus far have more than compensated for a new blender or silverware, and your presence is gift enough. If you feel a gift is completely necessary, it is within standard wedding etiquette to send a present within one year of the vows.

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