One thing about experience is that we get better at ending relationships at the right time (for the most part), even when it’s just a summer fling. What seemed convenient when we were younger - using a fight as an excuse or diversion for saying those hard words, “It’s not working for me anymore,” now is replaced with letting a person down easy. Here’s one time when the Golden Rule really holds true: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Which means no texting, no emailing, no avoiding till they “get the picture”. It’s time to buck up and be honest, face to face.

And even if it was understood that this was just a summer fling, you still need an exit strategy which includes the “conversation”. Why? Too many times people agree to one partner’s demands hoping and believing that in time they can change them, or they’ll fall in love, or things will be different because they’re “the one”. So taking the other person’s feelings into consideration is not only important for them, but also for you. You’ll feel better in the end if you did it honorably, even if it’s just for good karma. You’d hate in your next relationship to get horribly dumped… 

Here are some tips that will help you get through this break up gracefully:

1.  Give an honest reason. It’s easier on the other person when they know exactly why. We’ve all stewed over being dumped without knowing why and it’s much harder to get over it that way. Give the person a reason so they can know, maybe even work on the issues if needed, and move on. 

2.  Time it right. Think about what’s going on in their life and what’s going on in life in general. If you didn’t do it a month before his/her birthday, you certainly can’t do it the day before and ruin a beautiful day for them. The same holds true for big holidays. Think of their feelings and not yours, after all you are the one doing the leaving. Also, don’t do it when you know the sad emotions they will understandably have could effect something big in their life like an important meeting or event. The painful reveal recently on The Bachelorette that the runner up got dumped after going down on his knees and proposing, then had to endure a nine hour plane trip to his best friend’s wedding had all of us going, “ouch”. That was TV and had to happen that way, in your life it doesn’t and shouldn’t. 

3.  No drive-by breakups. I’m not saying spend hours with them, but give them enough time to feel like they’ve gotten closure or you might have to go through a conversation again.  Consider even splitting it in two session. Spend twenty minutes with them giving them the news, let them know you have to be somewhere and that you know they might be a little shocked by the news. Offer to talk tomorrow if they’d like to discuss the break up after they’ve had time to process their feelings. This might be a good approach if the other person fell harder. Be very clear though that your decision is final. 

2.  Go public. There is less of a chance of a scene if you pick a neutral place. Also, a public place gives the event a beginning, middle and END. At your place he/she may want ot talk it to death, or worse, try and talk you out of it. Plus you might be tempted or coerced into breakup sex, “one last hurrah”, and that is never a good choice for either of you. Really confusing. 

4.  Be prepared for the worst and be prepared to suck it up if they get angry. Try and put yourself in their shoes, especially if they never saw it coming or are in love with you. This is heartbreak and anger is a natural reaction. Trust me, they will get over it quicker if you let them have their emotions and you will keep your dignity if you don’t fight back. Someday you may even want to be friends, but right now you have to just hold your tongue and walk away. Their words may be the only weapon they have to hurt you, to “get back” at you with the same amount of pain they’re feeling. Again, put yourself in there shoes. We’ve all been there at one time or another. 

5.  Lastly, do I really have to say this?!  Sadly, yes…DON”T CHEAT. End it first, even if you’ve met someone you really hit it off with but are really dreading this conversation/ confrontation. Do the responsible thing, break up then date whomever you want. But BREAK UP.