True Love! It’s SO WONDERFUL to hear the words, “Will you marry me?” And, to be truly in love, to have found the person of your dreams, wishes and desires, and they love you too! I would love to continue writing about the most sacred of emotions, but alas, I am destined to write about the money effect on love. So, once true love has developed, let’s get real and discuss everyday life as we need it to be. Half of all marriages end in divorce – let’s be the half that lives happily ever after!

By this point in the relationship the two of you have probably established a routine for buying and paying for entertainment, meals, gifts, etc. And have discussed the preliminary way to spend your disposable income. But, during this magical time of engagement more serious issues about assets need to be discussed. Remember, the tradition of being engaged before getting married started to give the couple more time to get to know each other and decide if this is the right decision.

These ten (10) basic questions should start you and your partner talking about dreams, desires and how to get the most happiness out of your future together:

1. Where/How do you want to live ten years from now? How do you picture your life? Do you both want children? To own a house? Live in the country? City? Lead a commuter life in the suburbs? Move to another country? Be honest: make a list of dreams and another list of realities which will make the dreams come true.
2. Do you want children? These beautiful little gifts need to be budgeted for. Does one of the partners already have children? How will their school, housing, vacations, etc. be paid for?
3. Do you want to SAVE or PLAY? Are you willing to forgo vacations, shopping, dinners out to save for a higher goal, say children? Or would you both rather spend your life dining, dancing and taking vacations? Can you afford to do these? Do you have to go into debt?
4. Steady job or start-up company? Are you willing to sacrifice time, energy and money to start a company, or would you rather have your partner be steady-as-they-go? What about health insurance, benefits, retirement savings? Do you want to stay home with your children? Is the other partner willing to work harder to make this happen?
5. How lavish a wedding? Your first real financial discussion will probably revolve around the wedding. Will you go the traditional route and have the bride pay for the wedding and the groom pay for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon? Will you split the expenses? Will the wealthiest of the couple pay for everything? Always a good idea to sit down and talk this through – with any parental figure which is willing to help pay of course.
6. Are one or both people in debt? “I do” should not mean “I owe”! Disclose how much debt you owe and where/why you acquired it up-front. My ex-fiancé was in debt, and when I asked him about it he said, “I’m sure you’ll want a pre-nup and I’ll disclose the amount to the lawyers.” I said, “I’m not going to pay a lawyer a thousand dollars to tell me something you can tell me.” Okay, I should have left at that moment, but I didn’t (he was very good looking). After I found out the amount I didn’t want any part of it – so I said, “Why we don’t just live together?” He wouldn’t go for it, so I ended the relationship (sensing major trouble ahead).
7. What about your assets? Do you own a home? Stock/bond portfolio? Frequent flyer miles? Autos? Will you co-mingle everything? Or, have a joint checking account for household expenses? Is one partner wealthier than the other? Perhaps they are willing to pay for everything (YEAH!) – rare, but much more fun! This is the time to discuss these issues – not after one party feels that they are giving more than the other.
8. Discuss asset allocation. The day will come when the two of you want to spend your joint money on something different – trust me on this one. A pool versus a boat. A bar barbeque grill versus updating the kitchen. A new back porch versus a new car. Stocks versus Bonds. Try to have something new now to begin the dialogue.
9. Debt versus no-debt. I don’t like debt and would be hard pressed to buy anything other than a house that I couldn’t pay for. How do you feel about debt? Now is the time to discuss this with your partner (see #6).
10. STUFF, shopping and other cool things! How much is enough? What amount of “stuff” does it take to make you happy? Sure, we need food, but an extra gallon of ice cream that goes bad? Or, those really cute light blue shoes? Depends on your attitude toward “stuff”. Personally, I’m not a stuff person – don’t get me wrong, I love nice things, but unless I need it (or really love it), chances are I won’t get it.

After addressing these 10 issues, you should be on your way to a happy, open dialogue regarding your dreams, desires and assets. Remember, you don’t have to sign the piece of paper co-mingling your social security numbers if you don’t want to. The reason engagement is an accepted practice is to give the couple time to get to know each other – it’s okay socially to live together. If the person loves you, they won’t mind.

I’ve seen a lot of girlfriends get robbed by their husbands! Women don’t like to talk about it – just remember the term ‘forensic accountant’ as you pick up the pen to sign the marriage certificate. Know who you are marrying!!

In the most successful marriages I’ve seen, they meet, fall in love, respect each other (never break up, hurt each other, are disrespectful), have wonderful dialogues about everything including money and get married rather quickly (usually, less than a year). And the most wonderful advice I’ve heard came from my best-friends father. He told them to make love every day, it keeps the relationship solid and will get you through the hard times (they’re still going strong).

HAPPILY EVER AFTER is what I wish for you!!! And, me too (as soon as I find someone willing to sign my pre-nup)…

To read Part 1 of “Love and Money” click here.

Gwendolyn Beck started her finance career on the bond trading floor. She then moved to stocks and IPO with Morgan Stanley and personal financial planning with Wachovia. She wrote “Flirting with Finance”, a fictional novel, for a fun way for women to learn about finance through all the relationships and events we may have in our lives. “Flirting with Finance” is available through Barnes & Noble. You can contact Gwendolyn at www.flirtingwithfinances.com.