So now your pre-nup is completed. The flowers are in place, your dress is fabulous, and all the relatives and friends have gathered to watch you go down the aisle. The most important decision of your life is about to happen!!! (As my Mother used to say, “Remember, you can get all the way down the aisle and turn around and go back…”)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against marriage – there are good reasons: children, religion, illness, transfer of assets, health care insurance, etc. but remember in 2011 it’s socially acceptable to live together….
Do you have the perfect pre-nup? What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine? (Just kidding.) Have you discussed household expenses? Children? Are you merging your accounts, or keeping them separate? Do you have your ‘nest egg’ assets in a trust, or an account that won’t be ‘compromised’ in the marriage?
The dream is that is you “Live Happily Ever After”! I want to share with you some great marriage advice I’ve heard over the years:
1. Keep both eyes open before you get married, and close one after you’ve said “I do”.
2. Make love everyday! It’ll keep you close and help you get through the hard times (and there will be many hard times). Many days you won’t feel like it, but it really does make a difference.
3. Choose your fights wisely – don’t just pick on the other person because you’re in a bad mood.
4. Once children are involved they become the number one priority – not you. My best friend’s husband once said he’d work two jobs to keep her home with the children (they adhere to #2 also).
5. If the other person is really getting on your nerves, try to visualize them during a moment when you were first dating. Remember the good times…
6. If the other person is in a bad mood, don’t let it interfere with your good mood. There is probably nothing you can do about it anyway.
7. Have a date night at least once a month, and take a minimum of one week away together every year – just the two of you.
8. Leave ‘love’ notes!
9. Discuss finances, wants and desires openly (no hiding shopping bags in the trunk of the car). There will always be the boat vs. pool conversation (or porch versus ballgame tickets, etc.)
10. We all only go around once so choose wisely, live, laugh, love and have a great attitude!
Love is to be cherished and enjoyed as long as possible. However, if at any time you think it’s going in the wrong direction, make sure you are protected. In the meantime, do EVERYTHING possible to make yours the strongest, happiest and healthy marriage. In the Hindu religion, the greatest hope and desire for marriage is to reach a point of close friendship. I wish this for you too!
It’s also very important to have goals in your marriage, with money, charity and lifestyle.
Are you like Bill and Hilary Clinton and want to devote your life to public service? Are you like Elizabeth Taylor and willing to marry multiple times? Are you like Bill and Melissa Gates with the goal of dedicating your life to philanthropy? Are you marrying Steve Irwin or Charlie Sheen? Are you hardworking, coasting through life, or creative? Do you want to dedicate your resources to your favorite, or his, athletic team? Is one of you going to stay home and raise the children (this is an 18 year commitment – don’t make it lightly)?
Love is stronger than money, so be sure to have the same goals as your partner. And, may your marriage be blessed by all around you. I bless you two!!!
