A Taxing Experience

My kids weren’t at their most well behaved when we went out to dinner. That’s a nice way of putting it. Although I’ve blocked much of those days from my memory, I still have flashbacks now and then – or maybe they’re nightmares, I’m not sure. All I know is there I am chasing a loose toddler around a restaurant, bribing her to sit down and eat her mac & cheese, while flinging weak threats at her through gritted teeth, and apologizing to the elderly people in the corner frowning at me.

No, I don’t need to tell you I wake up in a sweat when this happens. And yes, I’m sure they aren’t hot flashes, thank you very much.

The good news is I survived the experience. The even better news is that we are now allowed back into several establishments that, um, let’s just say we avoided (yeah, that’s the word) for a few years.

I felt it important to give you this background, because my musings today are about a story that broke last week about a swanky, South London restaurant whose new policy was to charge a “fee” to people who bring children to their restaurant – whether they eat or not.

34 year old Natasha Young brought her 6 week old to dinner, and was charged an extra $5 on her bill, because her baby was “taking up space.” A similar charge was imposed on Ana Sheridan, who dined with her 6 month old at the same establishment. In both cases, they questioned the charge and complained, but the restaurant staff wouldn’t budge, claiming this was their “new policy.” Period.

Once this story hit the news, it caused such an uproar that the restaurant promptly issued an apology on their website, promising to “retrain” their staff immediately, along with offering a personal apology to both Natasha Young and Ana Sheridan.  Oops – their bad.

My first thought after reading this story was one of relief that such a fee didn’t exist when my kids were young, as I would no doubt be broke and living out of my car right now.

My second thought was to wonder how the management could actually believe they’d get away with charging such a tax, as it was clearly unfair.  And why wasn’t this new policy pointed out to customers with children beforehand, allowing them to make the choice of whether or not to eat there? Because they’d lose a customer, that’s why.

But wait… I had a third thought. Ok, more of an opinion. When I had my first baby, I knew that certain activities such as eating in upscale restaurants would now become limited for their father and myself unless we hired a babysitter.  Apparently that thought doesn’t occur to everyone, because I’ve seen parents bring very young children to places that clearly were not meant for them. I’ve even seen toddlers sitting through R-rated movies.

Really?  Did they need to go out THAT BADLY?  Children simply aren’t built to behave exactly how we want, whenever we want, and last I checked, Stepford children are in short supply. Sometimes you really have to embrace your reality.

This is why I firmly believe that the question of being considerate is one that needs to be asked.  Because of all the chaos my little brood created, I never took them anywhere that didn’t have either cartoon characters on the wall or sawdust on the floor until they were old enough to SIT the hell down for an entire meal.

That’s not being a martyr or self-righteous – it’s saving myself from guaranteed aggravation. It was hardly worth it to me to pay nearly 4 times more to watch my kid throw her food on the floor let alone suffer through getting the “look” from the foodie hipsters sitting around me. And the fancier the restaurant, the dirtier the looks, trust me.

And yet, even with all of that awareness on my part, I’d be pretty irritated if I saw that extra tax on my bill.

Let’s get real here – if you don’t want children in your restaurant, you’d best move to Vegas and run a casino, because it’s a pretty hard policy to enforce otherwise. And if you ARE bold enough to try, be prepared for the fallout.

But I would also hope that parents wake up to the fact that not everyone loves their little pride and joy as much as they do – and cleaning up the mess after they leave is no party.

In my experience, the more judgement you impose on others, the more you’re opening yourself up to a big fat lesson somewhere down the line. I remember my childless days when I would judge parents whose kids wouldn’t sit down and eat. And we all know where THAT got me.

On my hands and knees picking up my kids’ mess, that’s where.

What do you think? Should there be a tax on babies and kids at restaurants?