A friend of mine was really angry that she hadn’t heard from this guy. They had a great second date, and at the end of that date, he had asked her out again. By the morning of that next date night, she hadn’t heard from him yet. She was really mad. Why hadn’t he called her during the week to confirm? She was fuming. She had decided that even if he did call that day, she wouldn’t go out with him.
First of all, he obviously liked her; he wouldn’t have asked her out immediately after their second date and days in advance if he didn’t. So that wasn’t the issue. Secondly, I figured he would probably call her sometime that afternoon. They had a plan, he knew it, it was in his schedule. Thirdly, men who have been in the dating game for quite a while may be confused and not sure what each individual woman he’s dating prefers. Maybe some women he’s dated don’t need to hear from him all that often,maybe it turned some women off. She has no idea what’s going on in his head – maybe he doesn’t want to be pushy, maybe this is how he dates, maybe he’s busy. Either way, it has nothing to do with her. And with the attitude she had now, when they did go out on the date tonight, she’d be putting out an air and energy of anger and resentment, which would just completely turn him off. My friend had expectations and assumptions which weren’t met, which caused her anger towards him. However, he didn’t even know about these expectations.
The advice I gave her was this: when you do go out with him next time, tell him that with all plans in your life – friends, business, dates,etc you really like to confirm a few days in advance. It’s the way you work, and it’s what you like. Now, he knows. Until a man knows what you like when you’re dating, you can’t assume or expect anything. It’s not personal if he doesn’t call when you hope or want him to. Yet once he knows, if he still doesn’t do it, then I’d suggest it’s time to move on. Not before!
Many women get upset when a man doesn’t act on her time line. But here’s the thing – he doesn’t know about your time line! How can you be mad at him for something he doesn’t know!? The reason that the excitement of dating turns so quickly into turmoil for women is because as women we immediately start setting expectations that are not going to be met. And then, we are resentful towards him, and he feels it. So, of course he doesn’t ask you out again. Why would he? All he feels is frustration and resentment from you without any reason why! Until you TELL a man what you like and what works for you, don’t get upset. Also, you have no idea what’s going on in his life. You have no idea what the conclusions are that he has jumped to in his head based on all of his previous dating experience.
Last thing I heard, my friend was about to go on her fifth date with this guy. And guess what? He called two days in advance to confirm.
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In addition to being a writer for the Huffington Post’s “Women” and “Los Angeles Living” Sections, Holly teaches weekly intenSati fitness classes In Los Angeles which work out the body, mind, and spirit in one fell swoop, and teaches Reiki Energy Healing classes for Weight Loss, to Health Professionals, and to other Healers. She is a Certified Reiki Master Healer, Homeopath, and Certified Natural Health Professional who opened a healing practice, Couture for the Soul, in Santa Monica, CA in 2006. There she worked with individuals with cancer, as well as those suffering from all types of physical and emotional ailments. She now focuses on sharing the tools, energy, and inspiration for personal empowerment through writing and teaching.
