If you’ve got a move coming up, as I do, there is SO much to do and probably not very much time in which do to it.

I’m about to make my 15th move in 33 ½ years, so I’ve had some experience at this. My move is local, which definitely makes things much easier. Some of my advice won’t apply if you’re moving long-distance, but these tips should still prove helpful.

First, give notice. Your lease will tell you how far in advance you may or must notify your landlord that you’re leaving. Your lease will also tell you whether you paid first-and-last months’ rent when you moved in, or whether you’ve still got to write one more rent check. If you’re moving locally and think you stand a chance of getting your security deposit back, you might consider keeping your old place for a few days after the move to the new place is complete. Chances are something’s been left behind. Plus it’ll give you a chance to patch those holes in the wall to increase the chances of getting your refund.

If you have children, check out the school situation right away. See if there’s anything you can do now to prepare your child for a new school, new friends, etc. It may take a while for them to get over the nervousness, so be patient!

Once it’s a go and you’ve signed the papers, put a pen and paper in your mailbox. Note the name and address of anyone who sends you mail. If you want to continue receiving that mail, send them a change of address notification. Be sure to notify your credit card companies; banks; investment holders; the DMV; the auto club; Human Resources at work; your auto, home, life and medical insurance companies; your union; your prescription company; your favorite mail order catalog companies; anyone with whom you do online business (e.g. Amazon, if you have an address on file with them); magazines; and of course your family and friends. You can do most of these by email, and most magazines have online subscription service links. Also make sure to notify the US postal service at www.USPS.com.

It used to be that next I’d order new checks and return address labels with the new place listed on them, but I write so few checks or letters now that I’m skipping this. If you do have a lot of paper correspondence, it might behoove you to order those supplies now. If you do have children, it might be therapeutic for them to create forwarding address cards to give to their friends. New return address labels would help as well; they’re inexpensive and easily ordered online.

It’s about time to line up the movers. Keep in mind that most leases end or begin on the first or last of the month, so that’s the busy period for movers. In California, where I live, the fees that movers may charge are regulated. So you want to look for recommendations from friends and family (or from Yelp or another opinion catalog) on which company to use. I tried someone new last time and wasn’t crazy about them. A co-worker of mine didn’t even wait to be asked before chiming in to recommend the company I’m hiring this time.

Next: So much more to do. Martini glasses and trash cans.

Growing up Catholic, Lent was always a big deal. What to give up? As a kid it was always candy; my dad gave up beer. Lent is the period from today, Ash Wednesday, to Easter Sunday and according to a recent poll“23% of adults will do something for Lent” and a whopping 30% of 18-24 year olds will participate as well.

Lent is a period to fast or abstain from certain foods or pleasures for 40 days. Traditionally, it’s a form of penitence, a form of remembrance of the 40 days Jesus fasted and was tempted by Satan from the Bible; it’s a way to spiritually prepare oneself for the Holy Week and the death and resurrection of Jesus. But I’m not Catholic anymore. Still is there a place for Lent in my life?

Catholics aren’t the only ones that practice lent. So also do Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Anglicans and some Baptists. Like me and my dad in past years, “17% will give up chocolate or other treats and 8% plan to give up alcohol.”

Random Acts of Kindness

With roots in Old English ”lente” which means spring, the word “lent” is also serendiptiously the past tense of the word “lend” as in lend a hand. In this recent poll 21% also said they “plan to do more positive and kindly acts over the season.” What I like about the idea of adding something to your life rather than taking something away is this can be a time to make some permanent, positive changes in your life that have meaning beyond these 40 days. The theory is that it takes 21 days for a behavior change to become a habit. Lent is almost twice that.  It has been scientifically proven that altruistic behaviors are some of the best actions you can take to add happiness to your life. 

Need some ideas:

1. Donate clothes – there are organizations out there that help the homeless and victims of domestic abuse get back into the work force. You can donate professional clothes to these organizations that would be deeply welcomed.
2. Kindness to the military – write some letters to people serving in the military. Find other ways to donate to these men and women as well such as at Starbucks you can buy coffee that they send to our armed forces, or you can donate to veteran’s organizations that help families of the men and women who have served.
3. Volunteer for the sick – check out local hospitals and resources to see how you might be able to volunteer, whether by working on the admin side, in hospital shops, help delivering meals to people, you could even open up your home and provide out of housing for patient’s families such as children with cancer.
4. Kindness towards Mother Earth – you can help clean up. Many local organizations are involved with cleaning up our beaches and parks. Really work on reducing your carbon footprint as well.
5. Spend time with the elderly – have a friend or family member that is elderly and can get out and about as much. Just taking time from your busy schedule to sit and chat with them or take them somewhere can really add some joy to your life and theirs.
6. Become a Big Brother or Big Sister – you can volunteer to become a mentor to a child or even just donate to this wonderful organization.
7. Be a positive force at home and at work – why not try and curtail negativity for these 40 days. Let people know when they do a good job, what you appreciate them for and maybe even do again the little things you used to do to show it… a kiss, a note, a hug, a card, a thank you. And while you’re at it, why not be positive in your own life as well. Put down the stick and stop calling yourself fat, or thinking that you are not where you are supposed to be career-wise or dating-wise. Let go of perfectionism and learn to appreciate the positive things about yourself even more.
8. Be aware of your surroundings – most of the time we operate with tunnel vision in our busy lives. We don’t see the elderly person trying to cross the street, we don’t see the person’s meter next to ours about to expire. We look the other way or even take a different entrance to escape the homeless person begging for spare change. Try to find more time in your life for those things and see how much better you start to feel when you do.

Sexy hobbies can trump “Average Joe” any day. Surely you can relate to some rocker in leather pants that makes you swoon, or the jock that garners a gaggle of ladies cheering in the stands. What a man does for fun says a lot about his character, his drive and even how he treats a lady. Does he excel with a team, shine as a dominating leader, or is he more comfortable going solo? Is he creative and free or extremely dedicated? The following is a list of sexy hobbies that get the ladies to stop and notice.

David Beckham: Sexiest. Athlete. Ever.

The Athlete

Much better than watching the tube with some buddies or armchair analyzing, active guys are out on the field participating and sweating it out. Playing and competing in sports exhibit his dedication to a goal, his competitive nature and how well he plays with others all while sculpting a hot body – that’s a win/win.

Does your environment need saving? He'll gladly help.

The Volunteer

Anyone who cares enough about others to donate their time and resources is a thoughtful person that can empathize for those in need. Whether he volunteers as a Big Brother, plays a hand of Gin Rummy with the old timers or walks dogs for the Humane Society, this guy is sensitive, generous and out to make the world a better place.

We miss you, Kurt.

The Musician

It takes dedication and commitment to learn to play an instrument or belt out a song, and more importantly, it takes confidence to pull it off. Regardless of physical appearance, women find men on stage magnetically attractive. Whether it’s the long hair wailer or the acoustic artsy type, the bravado, vulnerability, and creativity (the list goes on) of musicians lure female fans like a snake charmer.

He can fix my car ANY day.

The Handyman

A tool belt, a hammer and “I can fix anything” attitude is a throwback to the knight in childhood fairytales, or even good ol’ Dad. A handy man that is willing to get his hands dirty, problem solve and create something is definitely attractive. Not only can he fix the broken pipe under the sink and clean out the gutters to save some cash, he wants to take care of things and improve your surroundings, by using his brain and his brawn.

No caption necessary. Just look.

The Daredevil

Racing through the desert on a dirt bike, cliff jumping, skydiving and mountain climbing are awe-inspiring hobbies that blend danger with tough guy athleticism. These agile adrenaline junkies pull off technical feats, study and learn about techniques and physics, proving danger is downright sexy.

What hobby do you find to be the sexiest? Comment with your thoughts!

Dear John,
I met a cool guy at my gym and asked him out. He said he’d love to but he just got a job after being unemployed a really long time and he’s still trying to get back on his feet and doesn’t feel like he has the money to date. I don’t think it’s an excuse or a line. I think he’s really strapped and doesn’t want to spend himself into a hole, I don’t want him to, but I do want him. What do I do?
     – Strapped

Dear Strapped,
If you’re strapped (and not in a fun way), it can suck. But it doesn’t have to. There are plenty of cheap date options, Netflix, Hulu, takeout, going to the beach, hiking, free or cheap theatre, stuff like that. Plan a great cheap date and ask him out again, tell him you’re taking care of everything. Have a great time and make sure you let him know that you don’t want or need much, just him, and remember, naughty time never cost a dime (well, at least not on paper). If he still is reticent, you may just have to wait until he feels like he has all of his ducks in a row to start dating or you may have to move on.

Dear John,
My boyfriend popped the question on Valentine’s Day! We’re getting married. We’re both really excited, at least we were until started doing research on our wedding day. The average cost of a wedding is like ten to twenty grand! We can’t afford that, and both sets of parents are retirees living on a fixed income. We still want to do it and do it right, can we pull it off?
     – On the Cheap

Dear OTC,
Yes, weddings are typically expensive… if you do them the typical way. So step one is to figure out the typical way of doing them and then do the opposite. For example, everyone wants a May/June wedding, which is why they are more expensive. So get married in August or January. Try a Tuesday, because everyone wants to get married on a Friday or Saturday.

Do you need a church wedding? If not, consider doing the actual marriage part at city hall, which has become popular in recent years when the economy tanked. Then all of your money can go to the reception.

Hotel receptions are expensive. Rent a VFW hall or something like that. Maybe even consider renting someone’s house, a rooftop somewhere with a great view or something like that. These days most everyone is looking to make an extra buck, so if you’re creative and willing and able to pay cash, you can get a good deal. I know of a friend who had her wedding reception in a yoga studio, which I’m sure was way cheaper than hotel two blocks down the street from that yoga studio.

I’d also suggest looking for smaller, or recently established businesses. Seems like everyone is starting a side job to beat the economic blues we’re all facing, so you can probably find a friend or family member you can pay to bake the cake, or cater, or do the flowers or something like that.

The more creative you can get with it, the more open and flexible you are with this process, the more leverage and options you have. That will enable you to get the best wedding possible for the lowest possible price.

The last thing to remember is that many marriages fall apart due to money issues. As you plan your wedding, keep in mind that going into debt over one day could negatively affect the many days to follow of your happily ever after. Pick a budget that is doable, and stick to it, stick to it, stick to it. Good luck!

It’s February 2012. Do you know where your resolutions are? That’s right, folks. Just a month ago, we were gifted with a brand new year. A fresh start. Perhaps you resolved to lose a few pounds, put more into your savings account every week or devote more time to a worthy cause or organization. Thirty-something days later, what do you have to show for yourself?

But I’m not here to scold; I too have ridden the resolution roller coaster. You start so wonderfully high, but eventually feel yourself being hurtled toward the familiar depths of disappointment year after year. And though I can’t help with slimming down or saving up, I can offer a few tips for how to make that resolution to volunteer stick for good.

First things first: pat yourself on the back for wanting to help out. Seriously. We live in a world where every single minute of every single hour can easily be swallowed up by work, family or Facebook. Setting aside time from your already busy schedule to aid a cause is a commendable gesture. Yet a gesture is all it will ever be if you’re not sincere about your intentions and capabilities.

1. What are you passionate about?

Note that I’m not asking, “What is your best friend passionate about?” or “What is your husband passionate about?” Not to say that volunteering can’t be a fantastic bonding experience, but we have day spas and couples’ retreats if all you want is a little quality time with your bestie or spouse. Maybe your friend loves to pick up trash on the beach every other Saturday; however, if you’d rather be lying on the sand than cleaning it, don’t sign up. You will burn out… and fast. Consider carefully what kind of cause you would like to help. As with every other part of life – career, relationships, Glee – if you don’t truly love something, then why waste your time and energy pretending that you do?

2. What can you give?

To be clear, I don’t mean money. If you have the Benjamins and can contribute financially to a cause… fantastic! However, that’s only one way to give, and your time is just as valuable. Every organization of which I have been a part is constantly searching for able-bodied persons to do anything and everything: data entry, envelope stuffing, magic tricks. (True story.) Regardless of your checking account balance, non-profits are thrilled to have more hands on deck. Just be honest about how much time you can donate. Believe me, I know all too well the high that comes from causally mentioning, “Yeah, I just signed up to help XYZ Charity for the next ten weekends in a row.” The look of awe and adoration that you will inevitably receive can be addicting. But what if you can’t actually commit to ten weekends? What if realistically you can do only three? Now comes the spinning spiral of shame. You cancel once. Then you cancel again. You feel so guilty that you decide to quit altogether. Besides, they probably hate you anyway, right? No. They don’t hate you, though they will be disappointed, as they were relying on your help. The lesson to be learned here? Commit only what you can truly give.

3. Do you like buffet tables?

I promise this is a totally relevant question. Let’s say you eye the pasta salad at a buffet. Tasty. You take a big heaping of it back to your table, chow down, but realize after a few bites that you aren’t really in the mood for pasta salad. You want chicken fingers. Are you screwed? Of course not. Just take your plate back up and grab those delicious, deep-fried fingers. Now apply this handy dandy analogy to volunteering: a smorgasbord of opportunities is waiting for you. If you sign up to help a non-profit, but realize after a time or two of service that it’s not a great fit, don’t get discouraged. There are thousands of fantastic causes out there, and I guarantee you will find one that’s a perfect match for you. Life is all about trial and error. Don’t give up. You may very well be the saving grace one day for an organization in need.

4. Have you heard of this thing called the internet?

Now you really have no excuse to not help out. If you’ve ever been online – and I know you have since you’re reading this right now – then you have the volunteering world at your fingertips. Idealist.org and volunteermatch.org are just a few of the many websites that can easily direct you toward a worthy cause or organization.

5. Finally, have fun!

Not only are you making the world a better place, but also you’ll be creating some wonderful friendships and memories along the way. Not to mention, in eleven short months from now you can check off at least one resolution from your list. High five!

—

Born and raised in the Chicago suburbs, but now living in Los Angeles, Anna splits her time between writing screenplays and creative nonfiction. She is currently working on several comedic features and wrapping up her first book of essays entitled Nightwalking. She also enjoys retelling her stories of living in Hollywood in a blog appropriately called thechicagodispLAcement.com.

Three top reasons to forget a birthday: 1. you’re getting older, 2. you’re getting older, 3. you’re getting… you get the gist.

Patty Leidy is a cartoonist currently living in Denver. Read her almost daily updated blog for fun updates, archived comic strips, odd/humorous ramblings, food reviews, diatribes, and worshipful clips of her current music obsessions. She is still waiting for George Clooney to stop harassing her. (”NO George, I can’t see you anymore!”) Go to www.pattyleidy.blogspot.com…

Finally, I can let go of trying to be perfect because purrfect has arrived. That is Purrfect the Cat, companion to superstar Cee Lo Green. After appearing on The Voice and even” tweeting”, Purrfect may soon be the biggest name to come out of this season’s talent pool with Cee Lo even calling the feline his “secret weapon”.

According to a  recent article about Purrfect, the cat ”has become a star in his own right, drumming up a Twitter following of over 15,500 fans, and over 2,500 ‘likes’ on Facebook. Cee Lo’s furry friend has posted a series of hilarious comments to his fans, and has even been seen exchanging tweets with his owner’s rival coach, Adam Levine.”

The Maroon 5 singer wrote a message on his Twitter page that popped up on screen during the show, “Arm wrestling Cee Lo wouldn’t go well for me. However, I’m pretty sure I could take the cat. It’s on @PurrfectTheCat.” Like Pacquiao vs Marquez, Cee Lo thinks HBO should have the exclusive deal on this fight and is currently in negotiations with the premium cable television network and Levine’s people.

Perhaps though Purrfect is just trying to paper over the cracks of his celebrity life pressures. Recent tweets reveal that “it’s not easy being purrfect,” in spite of “being gorgeous all over.” Purrfect does offer some insight into his beauty regime – power naps in “Papa’s lap”, but is napping enough? It wasn’t for Lindsay Lohan or Macaulay Culkin. We do hope that Purrfect doesn’t head into the ”RED ZONE of insane exhaustion” like friend @ChelseaTalksSmack. What would Cee Lo and the fans doif  this feisty feline follows in the footsteps of the likes of Demi Moore hospitalized for similar “exhaustion”?  (Where do celebrity cats go when they need R&R? Cee Lo should build his own Kitty Betty Ford just in case?)

All we can say is please don’t go the way of that dangerous mix of catnip “whip its” and ”tiger blood” you may find floating around Tinsel Town… no matter how bad things get on The Voice and Christina advising “garish over-singing and off-putting celebrations of self.” And if you feel a meltdown coming, head immediately to Golden Bridge for some Kitty Kundalini Yoga!

With just about everyone having their own iPod and playlists galore, today wedding music has become more unique and personal to the bride and groom. Music is such a key element: what the bride walks down the aisle to, recession songs as the new couple leaves the church, the first dance (how to decide if you’re a couple without a “song”) and reception music hopefully geared to get people on their feet celebrating, that like everything else bridal, it has it’s own trends. Here are the top ones for 2012…

Music Trend #1 – Uniqueness

Gone are the days of Pachelbel’s Canon in D,  ”Here Comes the Bride”  and “Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler on the Roof for the walk down the aisle.  Brides today are picking songs that are personal to them and not necessarily processional. Sure, you still have to consider where you are holding the ceremony and if it’s at a church, what they will or will not let you get away… what guidelines they have for ”secular” (non-religious) music. But contemporary is popular with a favorite being ”The Look of Love” by Burt Bacharach for when you walk down the aisle. Check out Diana Krull’s cover of the song on iTunes.

If you ceremony is not in a religious setting, then you can think a little bit more outside the box. And just to help you out, I asked our weBEgirls music supervisor, Julianne Jordan, who has done the music for such films as Valentine’s Day and Mr. & Mrs. Smith what she would suggest if she were doing a wedding movie:

Walk Down the Aisle
Just The Way you Are – Bruno Mars
Without You – Usher and David Guetta
Good Feeling – Flo Rida

New Couple Recession Song
Good Life – One Republic
Love On Top – Beyonce
We Found Love – Rihanna

Make sure the processional song you choose is the correct length to get you down the aisle, especially if you are chosing a separate song just for you. The last thing you want is for you to be half way down and the music runs out or to be standing there waiting and waiting for the music to end to start your ceremony.

Music Trend #2 – DIY Music

If you having a more laid back wedding or one on a budget and you don’t want to go the route of hiring a DJ or a band for you reception, then certainly a great playlist on your iPod is the way to go.  But what kind of music to pick?  For some awesome tips, I spoke with one of LA’s top DJs - DJ Cheapshot:

On picking a playlist:

Weddings are tricky since there is a huge variety of people with a wide range of ages and tastes. Unless you have a groom employed by URB Magazine and a bride who’s relatives with Moon Unit Zappa, you should stick with hits from the wedding couple’s era (Madonna, Duran Duran, Depeche Mode) peppered with some classics (Stevie Wonder, The Beatles, Diana Ross), topped with some modern hits (Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, LMFAO).

On song tempo:

Start fast (120bpm+) & keep it there for a while. When you sense that people are getting tired from an overload of Sir-Mix-A-Lot and Ricky Martin, move down to the 90bpm area and let them get loose.

On should the music build:

With weddings you should come out swinging. There isn’t enough time to build and peak like you would at a nightclub, so hit them hard so everyone can get on the dance floor early. The trick is to keep Cousin Jerry there even after “Achy Breaky Heart” is over.

On songs that get people up and dancing:

Besides NWA “Straight Outta Compton” and 2-Live Crew’s “Me So Horny”, some sure-fire classics are Kool & The Gang’s “Celebrate”, Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”, Madonna’s “Holiday” and Justin Timberlake “Sexy Back”.

Other playlist tips for the bride and groom:

PLAY FOR THE PARTY AND NOT YOURSELVES. Sometimes couples want to show how versed they are in musicology by including some obscure track from Bloc Party’s second album in their wedding mix. In theory choosing some deep cuts is cool, but in reality after you’ve just celebrated the most special thing in your life and all your friends and family are there getting shit-canned off of champagne and peach schnapps from Uncle Phil’s flask, all anyone wants to do is have a good time and dance to songs they know. Just because your husband put his hand down your pants during the second verse of Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” doesn’t make it a hot jam at prime time.

On hiring a DJ (should you want to go that route):

Being good on the microphone is very important at a wedding. If you don’t intend on hiring an MC separately, bring a short script for the DJ to read off of when you interview him/her. From there you can gauge how well they would do in front of a crowd. Most DJ’s became DJ’s in the first place because we were too introverted to get invited to the cool parties in high school so we figured we could just play records for people without having to interact socially, so most will fail this test.

Also, be prepared to spend money. Music is the backbone of the ceremony and DJ’s know that this is one of the most special days you will ever have which makes us SUPER nervous and reluctant to take the gig in the first place. Prices may be inflated for those reasons ($1000-4000) and you get what you pay for (shitty DJ’s $100-500). Don’t make the DJ play for more than 4 hours (but you’re paying for him to set up & sit there during dinner), but if they are that good and Auntie Harriet wants to keep shaking her 63 year old booty after the alloted amount of time make sure to offer the DJ extra cash.

For more information on DJ Cheapshot, check out his website.

For more ideas you can also check out ourweddingsongs.com as they have compiled lists of the most popular song for every category you can think of from unity candle lighting, to bouquet toss, to garter toss and yes, sadly, even dollar dance song!

Music Trend #3 – Multiple Bands for Theme Wedding

Yes, in a day and age when over the top weddings are as ordinary as a cuppa joe, why not take a page from Glee and ”mash-up” two bands, especially if your wedding has a theme. With this trend, couples are taking a traditional American band and pairing it with such styles as a Greek band, Latin/Salsa or even a Steel Drum band for a beach setting.  Here let your imagination go wild and make sure the bands or your music director for the wedding has everyone on the same page with a plan of how the reception will go.

Music Trend #4 – Custom Wedding Songs

Custom Wedding Songs.  If you’re the kind of couple that writes their own vows, then you may be the kind of couple that wants a song written just for you. Custom written songs can be lovely at your wedding IF you find a talented songwriter, of which there are many out there.  Check out some websites and  pricing, and when you talk to the songwriter make sure you have an idea of the style of song you would like.  Bring along some songs by popular artists that you and your fiancee love so they can get a sense of your taste, whether it be country, R&B or pop. A songwriter will gather information about the two of you as a couple and write the lyrics, then a composer will set those lyrics to your original music.  Pricing ranges around $300 for a song. The song can be played during the ceremony itself or it can be part of the reception highlighting special moments such as cutting the cake.

Music Trend #5 – Back to Basics

With the advent of “Dancing with the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance”, couples have of late been taking dance classes and learning a ballroom or tango routine to impress the crowd with. Wow, that’s a lot of pressure for the groom, especially if he has two left feet.  This year it’s time to go back to your “song.”  Whatever it may be, that’s what your first dance should be today, tomorrow and forever! Along with this trend, comes hiring of bands that are more traditional: Big Band/Swing, Jazz or Ballroom bands (think Cole Porter and George Gershwin.)

Trend #6 – Marryoke

For this crazy-ass, fun trend we’ve written a whole article so check it out!

My experience is that most women are in the business of beast management and oh, what a challenging vocation it can be.

I was in a café. Sitting next to me was a gorgeous Nordic looking woman-that white blond hair, the perfect application of simple adornment, lips of the young. She was talking with her equally beautiful, dark counterpart of a woman, likely Mediterranean, with waves of dark brown hair.

The Nordic woman had an unsettling and discordant panic in her voice. Her voice was all car alarms and dogs barking, rather than the tone of an angel you were expecting.  “Well, yeah, I mean okay so I used to purge, I mean a lot, I mean like 500 dollars of food a day, a lot,” screech-clang-crunch, “but it started affecting everything, I mean my teeth and I was getting wrinkles. I had to find another way.” Mediterranean nodding to the gospel that Nordic is speaking, “Okay but I couldn’t gain weight, right?” Head nodding as in yeah, that is soooo obvious, “So now I just can’t stop consuming”.

I look at her rail of cocaine thin body and wonder dear God, what exactly is she consuming, anti-calories? She doesn’t leave me hanging. “Now I drink like 20 cups of coffee a day. I’m spending almost as much on coffee as I did on food but I think it is making me… I don’t know…tense”. She keens, arms moving like they have wild birds inside searching escape. Mediterranean chimes in with benevolent aid, “You know…” she nods, leaning in to impart the secret wisdom of the Divine Feminine… “it is more effective if you take it in ….” Down to a whisper, “the other end.”

Nordic woman is confused. A whisper in the same way that people whisper the word gay, “An enema. I do coffee enemas every day.”

Oh my. I clearly have been left behind as the great train to female beauty takes off very quickly, I might add. I’m sitting there with my Magnolia tea with honey in it. Taking it into my mouth.

For some reason, the image of these two women in particular agitates around in my heart like gravel in your tennis shoe. I shop, I walk, I write, I eat, and still these two women remain.

Days later, I am sitting across from a girlfriend joyously informing me that she is getting married! To the man who has everything, well, except for a penis that can move like a wand rather than a well-sharpened pencil inside of her. And isn’t it great! Isn’t it amazing! And do I know of any superfast weight loss programs because, she doesn’t know why, she can’t stop packing the pounds on and she wants to look beautiful in her wedding gown?

I think about offering the Nordic-Mediterranean Solution but it doesn’t seem fast enough as her wedding is in two weeks. She needs something effective like total starvation!

Or, sex.

Because you are either going to feed that beast inside of you through your mouth or your pussy. Mouth=snorting, grunting creature; or Pussy=furry kitten inside of your body. But it will be fed, make no mistakes, even if it has to resort to consuming your sanity to get what it needs.

And whoever decided to put our heads in charge of our bodies? Oh wait, I think it may have been the man, Descartes, who wasn’t really thinking of the implications-it’s like they were thinking rationally which is not necessarily the most, shall we say, inclusive. Rational mind, in other words, doesn’t give a shit about the body except in terms of what the body can do for the rational mind. It’s kind of like saying: what kind of animal hating, seal bludgeoning, rhinoceros-tusk thieving person can we get to be in charge of the wild-life preserve?

Enter Mindfulness as the new chairman, which on many levels, is a vast improvement, but in its own way equally disturbing. Because while mindfulness doesn’t kill the poor beast, it does try to domesticate it. So we see our well-tamed beast sitting when commanded, in fact mostly sitting, and walking around on this leash of notions, not the least of which is that the beast, our wanton desire, needs to be tamed.

You may get a beast that can survive on pellets because it is no longer roaming free and doesn’t burn any calories, but you have effectively killed it’s spirit. In other words, you end up with a very lethargic show beast.

And it is all so confounding to women that there is, in fact, a way for both you and your beast to be happy-and it is simply through proper care and feeding. You mean this snarling, snapping, howling that comes out of you is hunger? Or that this part of you that is crouched in a corner and will not come out, terrified that you will make it sit quietly is the result of being taken out of its natural habitat? Yes.

This translates to me, for women, that we are actually so addicted to the empty calorie promises of the rational mind, the look good rather than feel good, The Rules, that we would rather purge, starve, become a calorie accountant or grow fat than actually hand the reigns over to our sex.

What is so funny (and by funny, I mean heartbreaking) is that we would rather kill our hunger in order to be with the wrong guy who has the right resume, than be with a guy who could actually feed us.

Our bodies conform to the shape of that which is inside of us. As do our psyches. In our desperate attempt to tame nature what we end up with is far less beautiful, and the attention required to keep it well manicured saps any attention we would ever have for actual enjoyment of life. And yes, our natures will bow to the rational mind, just as nature will be plundered in our drive for “civilization” but what we end up with is exactly what we have today, as Thomas L. Friedman says, a day “when mother nature says ‘no more’.” The rational mind will not cure the ills created by the rational mind, in the same way that the logging industry will not likely be the ones to prevent deforestation.

We are going to need to hand power over to a different authority. And that authority is nature herself: your wild, untamed, unpredictable nature. Because it seems like our nature might just know a little something about healthy weight maintenance. So get this-there is a hormone called oxytocin, called ‘the tend and befriend’ hormone. We see the most potent release of oxytocin following childbirth (not a course of action I recommend on a daily basis) and, drum roll please, following climax. We also get the big oxytocin hit when we are “turned on” like when you first fall in love.

And oxytocin has been widely linked to normalizing and reducing appetite. As reported by the University of Washington folks, “administration of oxytocin in DIO animals elicited a sustained reduction of food intake and body weight while preventing the reduction of energy expenditure characteristic of weight-reduced animals.” Or, in English, having sex decreases appetite for food. Hey, that is not bad. And the icing on the cake that you will now not binge on, add in precious information from Dr. Sara Gottfried about the fact that you actually get sane in the process. That feeling of tired and wired? Vanished.

You mean that I can have sex, lose weight and get sane all at the same time? That is exactly what I am saying! How about that?!

And just as nature seemed to do just fine without our intervention, yours can too. In fact, it is, I would suggest more, not less intelligent. This is why I like this book by Janine Benyae called “Biomimicry”, where she suggests that we could actually learn from nature-where we could, for example create a non-toxic adhesive based on the molecular make-up that barnacles use to stick themselves to rocks (a little like using actual love and desire to keep a relationship together rather than vows,) or the fact that spiders manufacture a waterproof fiber five times stronger than steel (maybe like what’s inside of you may actually give you more fortitude than will power.) She writes, “Individual achievements pale when we consider the intricate inter-living that characterizes interwoven systems” of nature.

So, I thought I would glean a few of her lessons in terms of how to interact with our own nature:
1. Nature runs on sunlight
2. Nature fits form to function
3. Nature recycles everything
4. Nature banks on diversity
5. Nature curbs excesses from within

The first, nature runs on sunlight for me, in terms of our sex, means that we run much more effectively on desire than fear. Fear is like petroleum that we continually mine in order to motivate ourselves, primarily in the form of fear of loss-of status, of security, of the right size pant. Desire on the other hand is a way of being led by incentive, of inspiration, of our deep and pre-existing biological imperative to connect with at least one other human being.

Nature fits form to function meaning that our desire arranges our lives according to what is best for us rather than our attempts to get our nature in alignment with our ideas. In this case, our bodies or form would be created to be healthy and alive and alluring in such a way to naturally attract another to the sex that resides inside. As women we are so afraid that we will not be attractive and my suggestion is that mowing ourselves down and making ourselves look like pillars is far less attractive than the uncultivated you.

Nature recycles everything – that is precisely what sex does. Sex takes even the smog of your thoughts and converts it into love.

Nature banks on diversity. Yes, I do not believe that nature is monogamous. Even with food choices.

Nature curbs excesses from within. Which is really, for me the crux of it. Because we have this notion that women are insatiable, voracious. But that is just not experientially true for me. I can tell you that my sex is the absolute best dietitian I know because sex is all about the feeling and things like spiking hard on sugar or eating until you need to roll off your chair, or 14 cups of coffee just don’t feel good. But feeling alive does, so starving the body of nutrients is not going to work either. The natural incentive of feeling good turns out to be a lot more powerful than the authority figure of acting good.

Feeling good provides an ancient intelligence that has the obvious incentive that you, well, feel good, but offers the added benefit that because every cell, every molecule, every atom, now has the vital nutrients they need to function you actually emanate goodness into the world.

And this, feeling good to the point that you overflow genuine goodness, to me, is the best reason to feed the pussy that I can think of.

—

Nicole Daedone (nicoledaedone.com) is a speaker, teacher, and author who has spent her groundbreaking career redefining orgasm from a woman’s point of view. Starting with her fundamental belief that a woman’s sex is her power, she treats supposedly taboo subjects with unparalleled humor, intelligence, and insight. Nicole is the author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm and founder of OneTaste.us.

Check out the Specials OneTaste has to offer weBEgirls readers:

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Today is the 18th, four days after Valentine’s Day. And it’s safe to say many of you went from girlfriends to fiancés. Many of you are planning a June wedding. I know you’ve spent a lot of time dreaming about that wedding dress, which is great. There’s just one thing….

You have to fit into it.

So if you’re getting married in June, you have four months to get into shape. That’s not a lot of time, but that’s enough. If you start now.

You’ll need a plan. You need to know what you want before you can put it into action. Do you just want to fit into the dress? Are you planning on giving your husband naughty boudoir photos of yourself as a wedding present?
Whatever you want, you need a plan to get you there. That means you need a trainer, or a coach if you’re into crossfit. Someone skilled, not just a friend. You need a trained professional who can get you results because he/she’s done that for multiple people before (I know this from experience.)

You’ll need to stick to this plan, no matter what. This is where most people fail. They think they can sit in front of the TV and eat Cheetos, or that if they eat [insert comfort food here] “just this once” that it’s okay. It’s not. You’re working on a zero to gorgeous deadline, ladies, which means time is a luxury you don’t have. (Not that any of you are zeros, I just wanted a sports/racing analogy here because I’m a guy.)

A dietician or nutritionist can be good too. Weight loss boils down to exercise plus calories in vs. calories out. A good nutritional plan plus exercise can really propel you to your goals.

Now you just need to find someone to pull it all together, or assemble your team. Some people get a trainer, who puts them on a nutritional plan and workout plan. Some people buy memberships to yoga studios and go six days a week. Some people do crossfit. They all work, but they are different and are all tailored to meet different goals.
You can be in your best shape ever when you put that wedding dress on (and when you take it off), but only if you’re willing to do the work. Start now. Good luck.

With certain kickback looks from the ’60s I can take ’em or leave ‘em, but when it comes to paisley, I’ve always been in. I still remember to this day a favorite paisley skirt that I wore to death in my late teens and am glad to see today that certain designers such as Stella McCartney are showing paisley this spring.

Prints are trending with designers everywhere.  And with paisley being a classic Indian print, you’ll even see a lot of this print used in home accessories. But I’m here to talk about clothing and the pieces you’ll want to have, or a knock-off that hits all the same notes.  On the runway, Stella was showing the cutest, shortest Paisley Murphy dress that can go from breezy day to sultry night with just a few accessory and lipstick adjustments. What I love about paisley is that it has a masculine feel to the print, and because it is so strong, it can handle frilly without going completely romantic fem. McCartney hits that perfect note in this dress.

I’m also loving this paisley skirt from Jil Sander. The paisley on white is so crisp and interesting for summer.  This would go great with a tee and black leather flip flops for summer and you have a hip, pulled together look for work, brunch with friends or date night at the movies if you pair it with a big, chunky statement necklace.  Wanna go even more glam? Find a pair of black stilettos (yeah, they’re finally coming back into style again) and rock this high waist skirt with a touch of Mad Men appeal.

Want it in a somewhat cheaper version, then check J. Crew’s paisley skirt below. This No. 2 Pencil Skirt in Royal Blue is fresh and iconic all at the same time.  Right now it’s on sale for $79.99 so grab it while you can still get it.

J.W. Anderson (Jonathan) is a young designer out of the U.K. with a definitely androgynous bent to his style: “The interweaving of menswear and womenswear is an Anderson signature.” When asked about what inspires him, he says, ”A lot of inspiration comes from random places and random people in these random places. A waiter in a café or a girl in a shop. Translating something from the street into a more refined version for the catwalk.”  It’s that street, graphic element that adds to what I love about some of his paisley silks and especially the print on this paisley top, in which the border has a squiggly rather than straight line. It brings to mind what paisley was symbolic of in the first place – fertility.

And lastly, I wanted to show you some looks from Clements Ribeiro, the label of  husband and wife duo Inacio Ribeiro and Suzanne Clements.  Designers for over two decades, in 2000 they took over Cacharel in Paris to great critical acclaim. And in 2007 they decided to relaunch their own label. When done from head to toe, paisley sometimes can be too strong a look and it’s often better done in separates, but these looks are lovely, with a softness to the print.

See what fresh ways you can pair this Kasmir, India print to bring a little of that free spirit look to your spring and send us your hot looks!

Dear Case,
I have been with my live-in boyfriend for more than three years and we are very happy. Occasionally, he buys some skin magazines like Maxim or Playboy and it doesn’t bother me. In fact, I even read them sometimes. He hides them from plain view, but they sit within the stacks of magazines around the house so I can stumble across them without much effort. He doesn’t get shifty when I read them, so I really think it’s a non-issue between us. But, my friends disagree. One of my girlfriends found one in the bathroom and angrily asked me about it, and I just shrugged it off. My friends have now joined forces, prattling that his “hobby reading” is disrespectful and that these magazines crudely objectify women. I’m not offended, but should I be?
     – Too Much Skin?

Dear TMS,
These magazines are hardly dangerous and just something that your guy likes to “read.” If you are not offended, why let your friends talk you into anger? Yes, a group reaction from your feminist gal pals panning his magazines can make you wonder. But, since you like to check out the articles too, be clear about your opinion and tell your friends to lighten up. Besides, do your friends outwardly object to the umpteenth dirty sex tip from Cosmo or Shape’s fortieth article about loosing thigh fat that hardly advocates empowering women? Besides, respect and consideration is shown by how your boyfriend treats you, rather than what he reads in the bathroom.

Dear Case,
My friend Judy always finds a silly reason as to why she cannot date a man. The grounds for dismissal are as simple as that the guy wears ugly shoes, his ears are too big, or his cologne stinks. These shallow excuses don’t fit her personality, as Judy is considerate and sweet. However, her behavior has started to make me question her overall sincerity, since she so easily and often cruelly judges strangers. Should I be concerned that Judy is disingenuous?
          – Dissed and dismissed

Dear Dissed,
Although Judy’s roadblocks seem superficial, they are likely just reasons to avoid a real relationship. Finding any ridiculous reason to rule out a date can mean she is really picky (and mean) or really scared. Her quick trigger on identifying a deal breaker sounds more like a lack of emotional readiness. Yeah, yeah, it sounds very self-helpy, but her defense mechanisms indicate that she would rather push men away than potentially be hurt by them. Talk about it with her if you are concerned she can’t shake her instant criticism, or suggest therapy. As for her sincerity with you, you defend her as being “considerate and sweet,” so leave those dating dismissals out of the friendship.

—

We all need advice from time to time as we struggle, question and wiggle at life’s twists and turns. From the trials of coupledom and parenthood, to life as an adult child, climbing the professional ladder and being a true sister, questions flurry. Every week, our advice contributor will help you work out those pressing issues with thoughtfulness and humor. Got a pressing situation for Case Studies? Please send your questions for publication to casey@webegirls.com. (Questions may be edited)

I get the chance to test a lot of products that don’t warrant their own entire article, but you should know about nonetheless. Allow me to tell you about a few now – that are accessories to phones, and not just iPhones.

I got a hold of a couple of Callets to tell you about. It’s an ingenious idea that’s perfect for those of us who don’t want to have to carry a wallet and a cellphone, bulk-wise, but just have to. It affords two pockets into which you insert your credit-card-sized material. I’ve tried the iPhone and the Blackberry versions, and I personally like the iPhone version. I have been carrying my museum membership card in one of the pockets of mine. I find that if you’re going to use both pockets you should load them first and then wrap the case around the phone. Mine came in a cheery teal color.

The Blackberry version however is a victim of its own design. The case has to be the thickest at the bottom. But that thickness on the face of the device makes typing awkward, and I find myself to not be crazy about it. The product website www.thecallet.com suggests using the pockets, or slits, to hold your gym card or some cash which are good ideas.

I don’t know if I’d carry cards with magnetic stripes on them since I have had plenty of ID cards erased by proximity to my iPhone. It could be that the silicone in this product acts as a shield, I frankly don’t know. But if it were me (and it is), I’d use the Callet only with non-striped cards and money.

Wicked Audio's Metallics

I’ve been trying out more ear buds for you. I like Wicked Audio’s new Metallics. They have a decent sound with enhanced bass; they come with three sets of ear-canal plugs so you ensure a perfect fit, and come in a kind of blue-teal color which I really dig. Available for less than $7.00 on Amazon.com.

Audio Technica's ATH-CKL202iS model

Way superior sound and phone compatibility can be had in Audio Technica’s dip for smartphone. I tried the ATH-CKL202iS model in black. Nice bass tones and highs that is not tiny. They have a plug that works with smartphones and a microphone with a mute button on it. It hangs right where you want it, near your mouth. These will be my go-to ear buds for a while.

In today’s day and age, technology has afforded us the “luxury” of instant everything. If you want a song or album you can sign on to iTunes and download it. If you want a movie you can turn on Netflix and buy it. If you need to talk to someone you can text, IM, Skype, call, and email. Keep in mind the calling and emailing are the new “snail mail” versions of communicating. Neurologically our society has been trained to get things instantly. We expect all aspects to happen at the blink of an eye and when there is some sort of process or delay we become extremely uncomfortable.

Now just to be clear I am not negating the awesomeness of all these luxuries. I engage in them more often than not. HOWEVER – when it comes to human interaction, love, financial security, career, peace of mind, serenity, health, sobriety, and stillness there is no app or device that can get you those things right away. They take time. They take consistency. They take dedication and focus.

This article is specifically about what do you want/need now vs. wanting and needing in the long term.

I have many clients who face the decision regarding a JOB vs. CAREER. Do they take the job right now to pay the bills or do they hold out and take the time needed to research their passion, train, and network for their CAREER?

My thought? BOTH!!!! Instead of looking at this as an “OR” situation – what can you do right now to look at is as an “AND” situation?

Look… I have blogged about this endless amounts of time. RETICULAR ACTIVATING SYSTEM. Your reticular activating system is the part of your brain that tells you what to notice around you. For example: DO NOT under any circumstance think of the color RED. Don’t do it – I am warning you – DON’T think of the color RED! What are you thinking about? Red, right? Your subconscious doesn’t know how to negate – it will always look for what you tell it to whether you want it or not. Take this example: You want to know what the name of the restaurant is that you and your family went to in your old town growing up. You can’t remember the name but you remember the cross streets and the name of the town. You go to GOOGLE and type in the information you do know. BAM the name of the restaurant pops up with tons of information. You typed information into Google and Google searched for the answer with the information you gave it. The brain works the same exact way. What shows up in your life is dictated by the language you use – ALWAYS.

So in regards to the JOB vs. CAREER – what language can you start to use to either working in a job vs. working toward a career? If you tell your brain that you can do both, your brain will search out ways to achieve that. It is a simple concept but not necessarily easy to accomplish. This takes dedication, focus, and being accountable for an outcome.

Here is a key tip on beginning your journey of a fulfilling career:

Ask an EMPOWERING QUESTION. Empowering Questions are the keys to discovery. Any time you ask a question that begins with “why” you are most likely in the problem. “Why do I keep finding dead end jobs?”

Google that sentence. Do it right now. Look at the web pages that come up. Your language will dictate what shows up in your life. Now type in: “Where can I go to find a fulfilling career?” Look at those web pages – pretty amazing isn’t it? THIS IS HOW YOUR BRAIN WORKS. By asking questions that begin with WHAT, WHERE, WHEN and HOW – your reticular activating system (just like the Google search engine) will start to find exactly what you are looking for.

Also – it really helps if you hire a coach – like me to support you with accountability and to set a course of action to achieve your outcome.

Please call me at Happy Life Coaching for a complimentary coaching session either in person or via phone today: 818-903-9983.

If they’re helping people, does it really matter if they don’t practice what they preach?

I was forwarded an email this morning from a friend of mine who was excited to share a daily email of self-help/spiritual inspiration that he gets. The second I opened it, I had an immediate gag reflex. You see, not only have I encountered the creator of this site/email/blog, but also I have worked closely with one of the highlighted people he was touting as being a beacon of light in the self-help world. In my encounters and my friends’ encounters with both of these people, neither of them behaved with dignity, and neither of them treated people the way they tell others to treat people. I have never once personally seen either of them take responsibility for causing anyone pain or suffering, or take responsibility for their mistakes. It is always someone else’s fault. Neither of them acts or lives the way they are preaching. And both are loved and adored and are wildly successful in the self-help world.

It makes me angry: here are these people who are claiming one thing that thousands and thousands of people are buying, making lots of money off it, getting notoriety and respect, yet are not living that way. Every time someone in the self help world that I know personally makes a comment on Twitter or Facebook or a blog post totally condemning something that I have seen them do themselves, it sets me off. They’re lying… Mostly to themselves, and of course to all of their followers. And I still want to puke anytime someone brings up the name of a guy from the self-empowerment world that I went out with a few times. He was living on the dark side to such an extent that I hung around waiting for the big reveal… Waiting for him to explain he was only living that way as a test or a lesson or… something. But he wasn’t. He really was living on the dark side. But he is brilliant. And his brilliance has helped thousands of people. So does it really even matter how he behaves in his personal life, if he is helping so many in his public life?

We look to these people in our times of despair and confusion; we look to them seeking guidance, inspiration, and purpose. Yet, they are completely putting on acts. And yes, I know they are also just people, on their own path with their own issues and journey. I know they’re human, however, I’d say the majority of self-help and spiritual teachers own their humanness, own their flaws, know they make mistakes, and share their journey with us. Those are the kinds of self-help and spiritual teachers I want to learn from and study… The ones that take responsibility for their lives and mistakes, that share their process of transformation with us. I want to make it clear that those are not the people I’m talking about in this post.

However, I also need to take responsibility for my own harsh judgment of these others. Why does it bother me so much? On one hand, I feel very betrayed. These people put on great shows, pretending to be one thing but really being another. These people are incredibly smart businessmen, putting the value of the dollar and the value of their own soul over others’. But should it even matter what the motive or truth is if they are really helping people? And they ARE helping people.

On the other hand, is it possible that this sets me off because it makes me take a look at myself? I aim to empower people through my work. Yet, I look in the mirror and don’t always talk to myself so nicely. I look in the mirror and sometimes tell myself that my thighs are getting fat, and that the extra skin under my armpits is ugly. I write articles of empowerment and inspiration but I spend many a day and night beating myself up for not being more, beating myself up for being a failure, feeling that there’s something really wrong with me. Does the fact that these people seem like frauds to me only just mirror the fact that I feel that I’m a fraud too?

I know that everyone has his or her own journey, and this is theirs. I don’t know what their paths in this life are; I don’t know what they came here to learn… And I truly believe that these people started off with good intentions. In fact, they probably still have good intentions. It’s just that the ego has taken over, and what they have turned into, I guess, isn’t my place to judge. (Even though I have been doing so for most of this article. Hmm… Guess I should stop!) And they do help people. So, then, why should it matter to me that they don’t practice what they preach? I have days when I don’t practice what I preach… I bet we all do.

From now on, when I find myself harshly judging these others for being frauds, I’m going to turn around and ask myself where I’m being a fraud in my own life.

—

In addition to being a writer, Holly teaches weekly intenSati fitness classes in Los Angeles (think aerobics amped up with yelled positive affirmations and fat-busting, calorie-burning moves), and Reiki Healing classes for Weight Loss, to Health Professionals, and to other Healers. She is a Certified Reiki Master Healer, Certified Natural Health Professional, and Certified Fitness Teacher who opened a healing practice, Couture for the Soul, in Santa Monica, CA in 2006. There she worked with individuals with cancer, as well as those suffering from all types of physical and emotional ailments. She now focuses on sharing the tools, energy, and inspiration for personal empowerment through writing and teaching. www.hollysidell.com

Actor Kiri Stevens lost 259 lbs and is writing a book about his success. Here, he shares his successful weight loss journey.

Name: Kiri Stevens
Hometown: Cincinnati, Ohio
Age: 25 Height: 5’10″
Previous Weight: 424 lbs.
Current Weight: 165 lbs.

Kiri’s Story

I always joke and say that I was born overweight. My parents work in the restaurant business and I loved being around all the fun foods: French fries, hamburgers, soda. I was already over 200 pounds by the time I was 12, and slowly became obese well into my teens.

Motivation

My dad got skin cancer when I was in high school. Seeing him suffer was painful, and when he passed away my weight spiraled out of control until I tipped the scale at 400 pounds. One of his last wishes in the hospital was that I take control of my weight. His passing was the epiphany to just say that’s enough – I need to change this weight and take control for myself.

Strategy

It really is a lifestyle and a mindset. My plan was to write everything down. I kept a food log, enrolled in a gym, and changed my eating habits. The key is eat what you want, just small portions and in moderation. Exercise
I started using the elliptical machine at the beginning and saw weight drop almost immediately. It encouraged me to add more time everyday. I started with half an hour per day, and added more time as I became stronger and more confident. When I started to get attention from girls I felt awesome, because for so long I was the “sweet friend” and that was tough!

Life Changes

Losing weight has changed my life beyond anything I ever expected! I never realized that it could happen for me. I am now working in film and television as an actor and I am finishing my book, called “It’s Worth the Weight.” Sharing my story gives me so much strength; I know it’s a tough battle, but everything truly is possible if you want to make a change!

Advice

The biggest piece of advice I have is to be realistic and to be good to yourself. I will never say, “I can’t” again, because it’s not true. If I can lose over 250 pounds on my own, then you too can do it too! Today should be the day where you say no more excuses!

Previous success story: Teresa Hui

Do you have a weight loss success story to share? Email Allison at allison@allisonvolk.com!

A top 10 list is so hard to come by, I had to add an eleventh…there’s the classics and then there’s modern day love songs to consider. So basically this is my list for you to compare with yours and see what songs warm the cockles (yes that’s a real word, and no it’s not nasty) of you and your man’s heart this Valentine’s Day. 

1.  Hey There Delilah- Plain White T’s hit it out of the ballpark with this 2005 debut single.   Lead singer Tom Higgenson fell for Delilah DiCrescenzo who didn’t return his affection. He got a little heartbreak, she got 15 minutes of fame and we got a great song.

2. Your Love is King - Sade, this smooth jazz U.K. band named after lead singer Sade Adu, released this third single from their debut album Diamond Life in 1984. This song became Sade’s highest chart-topping hit in the U.S. In 1986 the band won the Grammy for Best New Artist. 

3.  No One – Alicia Keys released this single off her third studio album to garner Best Female R&B Vocal Performance and Best R&B Songat the 2008 Grammy’s. “No One” was also the most listened song on U.S. radio of 2008 with 3.08 billion listeners.  A perfect Valentine’s song: “No one, no one, no one / Can get in the way of what I’m feeling”

4. And I love Her – The Beatles, off of the A Hard Day’s Night Album and written mostly by McCartney, about Jane Asher, girlfriend that “Paul fell like a ton of bricks for.”  McCartney wrote this in the music room basement of her parent’s house.  The song reached #12 on the Billboard charts and interestingly they only performed it once outside of Abbey Road Studios.   

5.  You’re Beautiful – James Blunt wrote this this 2005 power ballad about an intense love affair. Another single from a debut record, ‘Back to Bedlam, it’s the first song by a British artist to reach No. 1 in the US since Elton John‘s 1997 hit ‘Candle in the Wind’ and one of those perfect Valentine’s Day dedications.

6. Let’s Stay Together- by Mr. Smoove himself, Al Green, this song was released in 1971 and reached #1 on the Billboard charts. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fameinducted Green in 1995, referring to him as “one of the most gifted purveyors of soul music.” Even President Obama lately got into some Al Green action when he sang “Let’s Stay Together” at a January 19th fundraiser in Harlem. And guess what? Sales of the Green song jumped 490% with 16,000 downl0ads in one week. Seems the Prez is smoove too. 

7. God Only Knows- The Beach Boys, this song written by Brian Wilson is the 8th track on the group’s 11th studio album, Pet Sounds, considered by many as one of the most influential records in the history of popular music. This song is listed as number 25 on Rolling Stone’s list of the 500 greatest songs of all time, a beautiful, beautiful song.   

8. This Woman’s Work – Maxwell. Well, I first fell in love with this song when I heard it sung by the artist who wrote it, Kate Bush. Maxwell first covered in in his 1997 MTV Unplugged set and then released a studio version on his third album, Now.  Bush wrote this song for the late, great John Hughes and the movie She’s Having a Baby starring Kevin Bacon and is about a woman facing life threatening  complications during childbirth. 

9.  River Deep- Mountain High- Ike & Tina Turner, what a great song by so many troubled people, this is considered to be producer Phil Spector’s best work (convicted of murdering actress Lana Clarkson in 2009). This song is listed by Rolling Stone Magazine as number 33 of the 500 greatest songs of all time, and even though their own relationship was beyond tumultuous and ended in divorce, the song lives on and was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame. 

10. Every Breath You Take- the Police and written by Sting for which he won Song of the Year at the 1984 Grammy’s. Ask Sting and he will say that the song is sinister and about obsessive love, “One couple told me ‘Oh we love that song; it was the main song played at our wedding!’ I thought, ‘Well, good luck.’ People have actually misinterpreted it as being a gentle, little love song.” I don’t care. I’ve known for years what he wrote it about and I HEAR it as a love song. Perhaps because Sting himself is not sinister. He’s been with Trudie Styler for 30 years and married for almost 20 of them. 

11.  I Will Always Love You- Whitney Huston/Dolly Parton. I had to add this.  Originally written and released by country singer/songwriter Dolly Parton in 1974, the song reached #1 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart. And then again in 1992 when Houston covered it for the soundtrack of her debut movie, The Bodyguard.  The single spent 14 weeks at #1 and became a massive worldwide hit. 

Did I get it right? Let me know what your top Valentine’s songs are? 

Dear John,
There was a big Whitney Houston tribute at the Grammy’s last night. I was in tears. My husband was pissed. He kept going on about how she didn’t deserve such a tribute. I got so pissed at him. How could he be so insensitive?
     – Angry Annie

Dear AA,
Your husband may not be upset because he’s insensitive. There are a lot of reasons to find that tribute offensive, many valid. For example, she was an incredibly gifted performer, who wasted that gift. She was rich and her money bought her out of trouble that other addicts couldn’t afford as well as provided her with unlimited resources to seek and obtain treatment for her condition. There are plenty of addicts who die in anonymity every day, and they never get tributes. What about all the cops, fire fighters and soldiers who die every day in the line of duty. Do they get tributes on the Grammy’s? No. And they are heroes. Is it sad that she’s gone? Sure. But just because he has a problem with the tribute doesn’t mean he’s being a jerk. It seems that both of your feelings around this are still a little raw, but when he and you have had a few days to let those feelings dissipate, you might want to ask him again why it touched such a nerve with him. Something is coming up and that’s probably more important than a Grammy tribute I suspect.

Dear John,
How do I get my boyfriend to stop playing with his iPhone so much? Siri is starting to become the “other woman” in our relationship. This isn’t exactly my kind of three way. How do I get him to put down the phone and pick me up more?
- Not Too Fun

Dear NTF,
You can try talking to him about the phone usage and how you feel. If you live separately, make a rule, for example, that he can’t use his cell phone in your house, or during certain hours or activities and that it must be turned off. You can also just molest him frequently. He should, hopefully, be more into that than Siri. Although, if he wasn’t, that would surely make the ghost of Steve Jobs smile.

Your boyfriend seems to be, like many today, simply addicted to his phone. Some studies even go so far as to report that some feel something akin to phantom limb syndrome when they are without their phone and still feeling it vibrating. Unless you want to deal with some of the rollercoaster emotions these studied phone addicts felt without their mobile binky: “Fretful, Confused, Anxious, Irritable, Insecure, Nervous, Restless, Crazy, Addicted, Panicked, Jealous, Angry, Lonely, Dependent, Depressed, Jittery and Paranoid,” you might have to just accept that for the foreseeable future, you’re in a threesome. Luckily, Siri is small and doesn’t take up a lot of space in bed…and unless there’s a snore app I don’t know about, relatively quiet too.

Warning and Disclaimer: please Valentine’s Day responsibly and friends don’t let friends have sex while driving (at least not on a busy street.)  Happy V-Day!

Patty Leidy is a cartoonist currently living in Denver. Read her almost daily updated blog for fun updates, archived comic strips, odd/humorous ramblings, food reviews, diatribes, and worshipful clips of her current music obsessions. She is still waiting for George Clooney to stop harassing her. (”NO George, I can’t see you anymore!”) Go to www.pattyleidy.blogspot.com…

We’ve all been there. Unemployment sucks, and it doesn’t get any easier with time. Much as you enjoy having the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want, watching your savings dwindle and checking off the days until rent is due can certainly be a nerve-wracking experience. As a currently-unemployed girl living in an expensive city, here are some tips I’ve learned to help keep your head above water during the job application process.

Create a Routine

Tempting as it is to sleep until noon every day, there are so many jobs and so little time! Create a routine and schedule your day as though you already have a job—treat unemployment as your employment. Pick a time that’s reasonable for you and set a daily alarm. Are you a morning person? Wake up at 6 or 7, do a 30-minute yoga podcast, make breakfast, and sit down to your computer with a cup of coffee and a fresh perspective for the new day. (Mornings aren’t my favorite, so I’ve shifted this schedule to start at 9. I’m usually on the hunt by 10.) Break for a half-hour lunch at 1, and end your “work-day” at 5 or 5:30. Putting in your 8 hours not only maximizes the number of applications you generate, but also keeps you in shape for the normal workday once you’ve found that perfect job. And remember, don’t let your lack of employment tempt you to go out and party until 3am! You still have to get up in the morning. Stick to the schedule.

Set Daily Goals

It helps to pick a reasonable goal for each day and do everything in your power to reach it. Not looking for a particular field? Set your goal at 10 applications per day, across the board. Trying to focus on what you really want to do, but there aren’t that many jobs in your industry? Strive for 5. Even at only 5 applications per day, by the end of a work-week you’ve submitted 25 applications. Not bad, girl! Setting a goal and reaching it not only releases those feel-good accomplishment endorphins, but also serves as a reminder that you’re trying your damnedest to get back into the working world.

Broaden Your Search

I’m horribly guilty of forgetting that there are a ton of job resources out there. No matter how many times I refresh the Craigslist jobs page, the fact remains that there are way more jobs that I’m missing out on by restricting my search to just one website.

Monster is a great free resource that allows you to search by region, industry, skill set, etc. Caveat: Recruiting companies troll Monster profiles and like to call you All The Time. Oftentimes, multiple people from the same recruiting company will call with the same job offer. While recruiting companies can be a great resource, I usually find that they’re more effort than they’re worth. I’d rather interview directly with companies than have to go through the multi-step recruiting process. But hey, to each her own.

Check the newspaper! I know the LA Times has teamed up with CareerBuilder for their job search engine. Another great resource for looking on the local (and national!) level.

Are your friends employed? See if their companies are hiring. You can always use them for a reference, and they might get a bonus if you’re hired! Gotta love networking.

If you know there are particular companies you’d just love to work for, go directly to their websites. Usually company sites have an “Employment” or “Careers” page. This is a perfect way to cut out the middle man and go straight for the job you want.

Personalize, Personalize, Personalize!

We all know that the most annoying part of the application process is the cover letter. However, it’s also probably the most important. Employers usually read your cover letter before they even touch your resume, so you want to make sure you’ve shown them exactly how awesome you are in those first couple paragraphs.

Tailor your cover letter to the needs of the company. If the job description calls for a Microsoft Office wiz, tell them about how you were the go-to Word & Excel resource at your last company. If you’re applying to work for an animal rights organization, tell them how passionate you are about rescuing strays, and feel free to mention that adopting your fuzzy friend was probably the best decision you ever made. (Because really, who needs a guy when you’ve got a cat? Okay, maybe don’t mention that part.)

The point of the cover letter is to give employers a brief glimpse into your personality; it’s supposed to supplement your resume, not repeat it. Feel free to keep a basic form of your cover letter on hand, maybe a couple different ones for different industries. Use those as a starting point and personalize them for each new application. The same goes for your resume—obviously your employment history doesn’t change, but use your core competencies (What are those?) to highlight different skill sets for different job descriptions.

Be Persistent

I know unemployment laziness is a huge temptation, but don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Stay on top of your goals, and get those resumes out!

For every phone call or interview you get from a potential employer, send a follow-up email thanking them for their time and consideration, and tell them how excited you are about the opportunity to work for their company. (You are excited, right? You better be! Enthusiasm is key.) This keeps your name in the forefront of their minds when re-reviewing applications.

Reward Yourself

Keep yourself motivated with small rewards. You sent out 30 applications this week? That deserves a Babycakes vegan, gluten-free red velvet cupcake! (I’m addicted.) You scored an interview with one of the top music studios in the country? You go girl! Alright, 3 more resumes today and you’ve earned a trip to your favorite museum tomorrow afternoon. RentFoodBroke is a fantastic site for cheap and free stuff to do in LA, all of which are perfect rewards for a job-hunt-well-done! For you non-Angelenos, it’s also a great resource for more job-hunting tips like these.

Stay Positive!

It’s easy to get discouraged in today’s awful job market. I can’t tell you the number of applications I’ve sent out that don’t even get a response, let alone a rejection. The trick is not to let it get you down. You’re the underdog, and you will persevere. Stick to the schedule you’ve created for yourself and you’re bound to succeed. Basic statistics: the more you apply, the better your chances. So keep sending out those resumes, and score that perfect job!