The Guy Files: Superbowl Edition

By John Siscel February 1, 2013 01:00 AM
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The Guy Files: Superbowl Edition

Sunday is the Super Bowl. Women make up 44% of the fan base, but what if you’re one of the 56% of women who aren’t fans? You’re probably going to get dragged to a Super Bowl party, and you won’t know what to do. Relax. I’m here to help.
First off, football has absolutely nothing to do with the Super Bowl. It’s about the commercials. So you’re safe. You don’t have to know anything about the game or the way it is played, so you’re covered. Just bide your time between commercial breaks and you should be good.

Also, realize there are other women at this party who know nothing about football and don’t care to. Find them. They should be pretty easy to spot. They’re the ones not wearing jerseys and are looking for an escape.

There’s plenty of food at these parties, so usually, Super Bowl parties are like Thanksgiving in February, just another reason America uses to binge eat crap they will pay for down the line. So enjoy the food, and the booze (yes, there is booze) and suddenly you may find yourself actually watching the game and having a good time.

In case you feel odd not rooting for a team, here’s what you do. Pick a team. Either team. For any reason you can come up with or no reason at all. Look around the room for the people who are wearing that team’s jersey’s. Then spend the entire game watching them. Do whatever they do. Boo if they boo, cheer if they cheer. People will be drinking so it really doesn’t matter if you don’t care too much, but it is more fun if you act like you do care.

At the end of the day, the extent to which you have a good time at the game is based on how much you eat and drink and how good you are at mingling with people you don’t know who are watching something you know nothing about. That might sound a little daunting, but my father has been dragging my mother to events that she knows nothing about (and doesn’t care to) for decades and she always manages to have a good time. If she can do it, you can too.