A friend recently revealed to me, “Everyone has leagues! Just accept your spot and get used to dating within them.” Stink eyes and pssshaws ensued.
From caste systems to waiting for a fellow to ask me out, this concept of “knowing my place” is maddening. To me, it’s simple: the only boundaries I have are self-imposed. Okay, so that sounds a bit Tony Robbins-ish, but it honestly never occurred to me that I could be the minority in the go-for-the-gusto dating department.
Taking my friend’s attitude for a spin, I examined her theory. The guy that I date shouldn’t be considerably better looking than me, be way ahead of me on my professional path, or have a million dollar smile of veneers. Her idea is built upon affording a fair shake to both parties. Take for instance organized sports that create level playing fields according to ability. If you are a C-level player then you would get demolished playing an A-level team and a minor leaguer would be creamed by a pro. Her theory affirms that the same holds true in dating. Otherwise, I am destined to get clobbered with rejection and the agony of defeat if I try to date the team captain. However, if I were dating the C-level player that has a high school education and a great sense of humor, I wonder if her and her fellow “leaguers” would be shaking their heads at my decision.
Is it only dating out of your league if you date up? Or, is it naively upgrading that increases your chances of heartbreak? And if you date below your echelon, are you the lady savior or the chump that dates a loser?
Perhaps it is my Midwest upbringing that defiantly sits me on the side that I don’t give a hoot where people come from, what they do for a living, or how good they look. Sure, you don’t notice a good heart or a winning personality from across the room, but you can’t see the size of his bank account either. So shrug it out, put on a smile and introduce yourself to Mr. Hotstuff and see what happens. Jerks are jerks no matter what league they fall within.
So, after thoughtful consideration, I’m not buying her warning of staying with my kind and sticking to the plan. If that were the case, we would be a boring society devoid of May-December relationships, interracial and gay couples and even househusbands that assume the hardest job around.
Upgrading is where it’s at – seek better, bolder, richer, smarter, better looking and more charming. But, just like the California Lottery recommends, you have to play to win.